Bite Me

The Twilight Saga has become a phenomenon. The books were bestsellers instantly, and Twilight was the biggest selling book of 2008. The movies have become a major part of popular culture and it seems most teenagers have a strong opinion on whether they are Team Edward or Team Jacob. [Even stronger opinion than Team LC and Team Kristen from back in the day.] And that is really sad. Twilight was turned down by 14 agents before it got published… too bad Stephanie Meyer didn’t stop trying after 14 no’s.

Twilight is one of the worst things to ever happen to teenage girls. Edward is not at all realistic, and Bella is a terrible role model. She is a flat, and under-developed character that has little to no personality of her own. She falls in love and is entirely consumed by it. Bella basically teaches adolescents to give up everything for a guy, and that it is ok to lead on another guy [Jacob] who cares about her. These books and movies are not teaching what I want my younger cousins to learn about high school and boys. And if had them, I wouldn’t want my children reading these either. Edward is not a good teenage crush. I understand that he is a vampire, but he is not a realistic character at all. The connection between Bella and Edward is superficial and based more on Edward’s lust towards Bella’s scent than most anything else.

Ok, I will level with you; I have not read the whole series. Actually, I haven’t even read the whole first book, though I tried to at least 3 times. Want to know why: because the writing is awful. Stephanie Meyer wouldn’t have passed my Honors English 9 class with writing like that. There are sentences that are extremely convoluted and sentences that make no sense. Meyer under-develops characters and plot lines, and spends pages discussing Bella making a sandwich.

Aside from the fact that Twilight is a sad attempt at literature that is teaching the wrong things to teenage girls; it is very upsetting to any Science Fiction or Fantasy fan. The way vampires behave is not at all in accordance with other novels, movies and stories that have portrayed vampires and werewolves in the past. Vampires drink the blood of living things including people and animals. They sleep in coffins and cannot be in the sunlight. Meyer can take certain liberties with her characters, absolutely, however I think she took a few too many liberties with her vampires.

I cannot stand Twilight. I refuse to see any of the movies, buy any books or fan paraphernalia. However, I will share a song about how I really feel towards Twilight.

Here it is:

Your shit is whack; everyone knows that they don’t sparkle in the sun.
And that when a car is coming they can’t just stop it, they run!
It doesn’t make any sense, why is this girl acting all kinds of nuts?
Since when does a guy taking off his shirt cause such a massive fuss?
They always say “but he’s so hot! You don’t agree, what kind of girl are you?
Well I am definitely not the kind that thinks reading that crap makes it true.
There is not a single person out in the world like that.
He’s less believable than Romeo and without feathers in his hat.
Everywhere I look, everywhere I go, everyone that I see
All they ever talk about is a time of day that is now a book and movie.
Remember when twilight was the time you had to watch out for deer?
And when you had to flip that little tab on the bottom of your rearview mirror?
Instead it means this pathetic excuse for a story, this waste of paper and ink.
It means picking Edward or Jacob and broadcasting everywhere, which you’d pick.
Now I never want to see another t-shirt, poster or pin
That has the face of Taylor or Robert with some stupid ass grin.
So go read Dracula and then get back to me,
Until then you and your Twilight bullshit can get the fuck away from me.


And that's what Marika Sings.